


breathing through the sutures

by reachedthebitterend



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 09:55:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23969440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reachedthebitterend/pseuds/reachedthebitterend
Summary: michael set boundaries, alex isn't going to cross them
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 3
Kudos: 63





	breathing through the sutures

**Author's Note:**

> posted on tumblr on 03/19/20

Michael has the taste of cheap whiskey and stale beer in his mouth and Alex has blood staining the corner of his mouth from the punch that he’d taken that was meant for Michael.

He’d appeared out of nowhere, angry and righteous in that quiet simmering way that Michael feels like tiny earthquakes in the back of his head, vibrating through his entire skeletal system, feeding into Michael’s mood, which is dangerous, especially with the way Michael is feeling tonight.

Alex had pulled Michael away from the fight that he’s been itching for for what feels like _weeks_ , and drags him around by his collar like a bad puppy, throwing him backwards against the side of his truck and telling him in no uncertain terms, in that absolutely, hot as _fuck_ commanding tone that he has, to get into the truck.

Michael’s brain had taken a couple of minutes to catch up with the reality of the situation, but by then, Alex was already driving.

He sits in the driver’s seat of Michael’s truck, sprawled comfortably like he was made to sit there, like he was created specifically to fit into all of the spaces that Michael considers his.

It was all entirely the exact opposite of what Michael expects Alex to do, that it rankles against his skin, making him feel like he’d been taken apart and put back together wrong because he knows Alex, knows things about him that no one else does, and yet-

After Alex told him that he was reupping, Michael had thought, there it is, finally, the other shoe dropping. Alex was leaving, and Michael had been right. He would always go, there was no point in waiting and hoping, because he would always leave.

And yet-

It was infuriating. Out of all of the times that Michael had wished and hoped and prayed that Alex would change his mind and stay, it had to be this one.

Michael’s truck makes a noise that means it needs to be changed to third gear, even though the truck is automatic, and Alex changes it easily, already knowing what it means because he’s driven Michael’s truck enough times by this point that it’s second nature, and Michael snaps.

“Pull over,” he says, and Alex barely passes him a look before he’s scoffing.

“If you think that I’m going to let you drive-”

Michael reaches out with one hand and the truck swerves to the side and stops with a lurch.

Alex barely makes a noise in protest.

Michael just turns to face him and Alex is already looking at him, a look on his face like he wants to get this conversation over and done with, so Michael decides to switch gears on him.

“Why are you here?”

Alex furrows his brow, “Because you decided to get into a fight and got yourself kicked out of the Saturn, since you’re banned from the Pony after you-”

“I meant, what are you still doing in Roswell?”

Alex raises an eyebrow, “I live here.”

Michael makes a low frustrated sound, “You know that’s not what I meant.”

Alex just exhales and leans back against the seat, “I’m not sure what you want me to say. The base I’m stationed at is here, but most importantly, the base for Project Shepherd is here. Which is the point.”

Michael doesn’t know how to respond to that, because that’s not what he meant either.

Alex just makes a low humming noise like he figured something out, and then scoffs. “The world doesn’t revolve around you, Guerin, and mine, specifically doesn’t. I’m here because I have to be. Because there are things that I need to do, and the only way that I could accomplish everything that I want, was by reupping. It had nothing to do with you.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Michael says, turning away from him. “I don’t ever enter into the equation when you’re making decisions.”

Alex makes another scoffing noise. “And what exactly do you want me to say? Something else that you can take and throw in my face the next time you want to fight with someone? No thanks.”

Michael doesn’t know what to say to that because it’s not like Alex isn’t wrong, and after a few minutes of silence, Alex starts the truck again and pulls back on to the road.

Michael lets him drive in silence for five minutes before he pulls the truck over again, making Alex make an irritated noise and mutter what sounded like another language under his breath.

“Why are you here?” Michael asks again, and Alex just exhales roughly, letting his head fall back against the seat.

Michael just watches him as he breathes in and then turns to face him, not looking at all surprised to find Michael staring.

“Are you going to keep pulling me over until I tell you?“ He asks, sounding tired and like he already knew the answer.

"Yes,” Michael says, and smirks when Alex just shakes his head turning away.

“You’re unbelievable,” Alex says, sounding like he’s actually surprised about the fact.

“You knew that when you dragged me into the truck,” Michael points out, and just smiles when Alex turns to glare at him, eyes narrowed, and then turns to look back out of the window, shaking his head.

Michael just sits back and waits, and Alex lets out a breath a few seconds later, turning back to face him.

“Okay,” he says and nods his head decisively. “Fine. We’ll do this your way then.”

He licks his lips and stares at Michael with a look that clearly says, _you asked for this_.

“I’m here because you’re an idiot who can’t actually take care of yourself,” he tells him matter of factly. “You’re a danger to yourself and others, and everyone else may be content to just let you do this thing, because it’s a bad coping mechanism that everyone believes is actually part of your personality, but I’m not willing to just let you destroy yourself-”

“No?” Michael asks, interrupting him and making Alex give him an irritated look. “Because that’s only your job, I guess?”

Alex exhales roughly and turns away from him, moving his hand over the gear and shifting his feet on the gas, but Michael keeps the truck in place easily.

Alex makes a frustrated noise, hitting the wheel with the heel of his hand and turns back to Michael. “I answered your question, Guerin, what more do you want?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because no one else is going to,” Alex says, sounding tired. “Which just leaves me.”

Michael decides just to drop the subject for the time being. It’s not like Alex is going anywhere, yet.

Alex turns back to the front and pulls the truck back on the road, leaning back and exhaling slowly like he thinks the worst is over.

Michael lets him believe it for all of five minutes before he reaches out and pulls the truck over again.

Alex makes a low sound, and turns to Michael glaring, before the truck tips forward dangerously and then they’re sliding down a steep hill.

“Fuck,” Alex spits out reaching out to wrap both hands around the wheel, turning it sharply and pressing down hard on the brakes, but it barely slows their descent.

Michael reaches out again and there is a loud cracking noise that fills the air as he latches on to the asphalt.

The truck jerks to a stop, and Alex puts it in park and lifts the emergency brake turning the truck off.

Michael makes a low noise, feeling pain spike sharply in his head and then he’s letting go.

The truck lurches forward a little, but not too far.

Once it stops for good, Michael turns to Alex feeling a little bit dizzy, pain sharp and insistent in the pit of his stomach but he has to make sure that Alex is okay first.

Alex turns to him at the same time, and Michael can tell that his hands are shaking.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks before Michael can, something desperate and fraying in his voice.

Michael swallows hard, and just stares as Alex moves forward into his space when Michael doesn’t immediately answer, shaky hands fluttering around his head and shoulders like he’s afraid to touch Michael without permission.

Michael reaches for his hands and presses them down on his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” he says, and Alex exhales roughly, fingers tightening in the fabric of his jacket and then he’s shaking Michael.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Alex demands.

Michael opens his mouth but Alex just keeps talking over him.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed? I mean, I knew you were self destructive but this is on a whole other level-”

“It’s not like I did it on purpose,” Michael snaps, reaching out to push Alex back lightly, but he hangs on even harder, fingers tightening in Michael’s shirt.

Alex just keeps talking like he didn’t hear him.

“-can’t just be so irresponsible, what if they managed to knock you out and you got taken to the hospital-?”

“I had the situation under control,” Michael snaps.

Alex glares at him, fingers tightening in his shirt as he pulls him in a little bit closer.

“I’m beginning to question your supposed genius IQ,” Alex comments idly.

Michael makes a hurt sound, and Alex exhales roughly, eyes darting to his mouth.

Michael realizes abruptly just how close they are, his fingers tangled in the collar of his shirt, his forearms pressed along Alex’s chest, their thighs pressed together, knees pressing almost too hard. If he tilts his head just a little bit, he could brush their noses together. If he pushed in even closer, he would be able to feel Alex’s breath on his mouth. And even closer and he could kiss him.

Michael feels warm and dizzy and he licks his suddenly parched mouth, and all he wants is Alex.

He pushes in closer, and Alex inhales sharply, shivering in his hold, lips parting as his eyes flutter shut.

Michael stares at his close lids, pushing in just close enough that their noses brush together, and Alex makes a low noise at the back of his throat.

“Alex,” Michael whispers, voice coming out desperate and needy.

Alex inhales a shuddering breath, and he stays pressed close enough that Michael can feel the way that he’s trembling, and then his eyes flutter open and they’re all Michael can see.

Dark and intense and bright and deep, and Michael feels like Alex is looking right through him, like Alex is looking at all of him, all the jagged messy pieces and then his gaze goes a little soft, a little sweeter, and Michael pushes in even closer and their lips brush, just barely.

Alex’s breath rushes out of him and Michael inhales shakily, fingers tightening on Alex’s collar, and then Alex is shaking his head, and moving back.

Michael makes a low protesting sound and drags his hands to the back of Alex’s neck, “Wait-”

“No,” Alex breathes out and Michael freezes, fingers digging into the back of his neck, eyes wide and on Alex, who is looking at him like he wants nothing more than to kiss him, but is still trying to pull away.

Michael inhales to speak, but Alex continues.

“You said no,” he says, voice quiet and hoarse, a heavy whisper between them. “And I refuse to be another bad habit that you just fall into. I won’t let you make me into that. Not anymore.”

Michael shakes his head, “No, that’s not-”

Michael drags his hands back down to Alex’s collar.

“Alex,” he breathes. “I never asked you for anything.”

Alex licks his lips, “You’re not exactly asking for something right now.”

Alex slides his hands down to Michael’s chest and pushes, not hard enough to actually dislodge Michael, but enough to let him know that he’s not going to budge.

“I want you,” Michael says, with as much sincerity as he can muster in that moment.

Alex huffs out a shaky breath and shakes his head a little, sliding backwards a little, but Michael moves with him, keeping the distance minimal.

Alex shakes his head, and blinks fast a few times, before he closes his eyes and inhales deeply.

When he opens his eyes again, he looks at Michael, and Michael feels trapped in his gaze, hot and heady.

“Okay,” he says, pushing in close, dragging his hands into Michael’s hair and wrapping his fingers around his curls, pressing his nose to Michael’s cheek, lips brushing against the corner of Michael’s mouth, so close and yet so far away.

Michael feels tingles going down the back of his neck, and his lips part on a gasp.

“Say I do kiss you,” he continues. “And we fuck right here, and I give you every single thing that you ask me for, and then what? We wake up in the morning, and you’ll tell me that it was a mistake, that you weren’t thinking, that it’s never going to happen again? Or I just wake up and you’re gone, payback for all the times I did the same to you?”

“Alex, no,” Michael says, shaking his head, fingers clenching and unclenching desperately in the collar of Alex’s shirt, trying to get this back on the track that it had seemed to be heading.

“You told me that I’m not good for you,” Alex continues, knocking the wind out of Michael’s sails and making his eyes go wide, shock making him freeze. “No matter how I feel. This would be a mistake.”

Michael scoffs fingers going tight on Alex’s collar, shaking his head, feeling his cheeks heat up with the sting of rejection.

“Who cares,” Michael says, more callous than he means to be, but enough to get his point across. “When have you ever given a shit about anything else beyond fucking me?”

Alex goes still under his hands, chest unmoving, like he’s stopped breathing, and his eyes are on Michael, wide and confused beyond belief, like he can’t believe that Michael would actually say something like that.

Michael rolls his eyes, and just pushes Alex backwards, finally letting him go. “Like always, everything is on your terms.”

Alex makes a low, disbelieving sound, and Michael just turns towards the front of the truck, avoiding his gaze.

“Ask me when you haven’t just spent the entire night getting to the bottom of a bottle,” Alex says, and Michael just closes his eyes and shakes his head.

There is a heavy silence for a few minutes before Alex speaks again.

“I get it,” he says, sounding a little desolate. “I hurt you one too many times. I never meant to, but it just kept happening.”

He breathes in deeply and shakes his head, “Sometimes you terrify me. In the worst way. And I just can’t handle it so I walk away, and tell myself that it’s for the best. That no one should have the power that you have over me, and then I see you again, and repeat the same cycle.”

Michael licks his lips swallowing hard, and he doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything, just stares at Alex wishing the right words would appear out of thin air.

Alex leans his head back on his seat, and he sighs long and low, looking like he wants to say something else, but doesn’t know how.

“I’m saying no for me too,” he says finally, and Michael inhales sharply, air catching painfully in the back of his throat. “I loved you, and I know it might not matter to you now, but I’m not going to let you use that against me.”

Michael stares at Alex for a long moment, blinking rapidly, swallowing hard, before he nods his head to himself and looks away.

He hears Alex breathe a little unsteadily before he’s getting out of the truck.

Michael inhales deeply, and then turns to see what he’s doing. 

Alex is looking to see how far they fell from the road, and he turns back to face Michael.

“Think you can pull the truck out of here?”

“Maybe,” Michael says, turning to look out the back window. “But I might need to drink more than the recommended amount of acetone afterwards.”

Alex nods his head slowly and gives him a small smile, a little too tremulous to be real, “Then it’s a good thing that you have a designated driver.”

Michael stares at him for a second, and Alex just lets the smile fall off his face, and he shakes his head, blinking his eyes rapidly and looking away. He moves, walking out of the way and closes the door shut behind himself.

Michael just stares at the spot where he was and wonders if in his quest to try to protect himself and push Alex as far away as possible, if he pushed too far.

He shakes his head and moves to get out of the truck.

It doesn’t matter, anyway.

Alex might still be here right now, but it wasn’t going to last long, and at least this time when he left he wouldn’t be dragging pieces of Michael with him when he went.


End file.
